LETTER TO SHAGGY…THE DOG
My Love (?),
You must be at ‘Work’ now abi? And you will be very busy till past midnight, shebi? You spend so much time in your ‘Office’ and you are still not on any of Forbes List? Eishhhhhhhh
You are sleeping with someone else, aren’t you? You let yourself be blindly led by the good looks and smooth talks of another woman. Satan waited on the shore of your life, he baited you, reeled you in and dropped you in the bucket with the rest of the idiot men he’s caught. Shame on you. And to justify what is dishonest and hurtful, you have cast me like a total shrew. Step back and truthfully determine if I am truly as bad as you have convinced yourself (and probably the woman you are sleeping with). It does not matter how bad things were before the affair. It is your fault and not mine. No matter what you, the adulterer, think you are escaping, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to cheat. You chose to cheat because of the kind of person you are, because of the circumstances you allowed yourself to be involved in, not because I wasn’t good enough. You neglected your marriage and used me as an excuse to ‘step out’. We (your family) do not deserve the life your actions have forced on us.
You sleep with a high paid corporate prostitute and you think it makes you ‘cool’ and ‘strong’? Don’t be foolish. Adultery is not a sign of strength; it is a sign of weakness. It is not an indicator of a healthy adulthood but an indicator of wounded juvenile behaviour. Adultery is a sign of an out-of-control penis and not the badge of great leadership. You have no moral or conscience. You are a sociopath. From where I sit, I can see that you are cruel and heartless. My children do not deserve to have a big giant shit like you in their lives. But they love you and I am sure they will figure it out soon enough. I won’t even have to say a word. If you could have been half the man you said you were, you would have been pretty great. But as it stands, you are NOTHING. You are not a man. You are a selfish, lying, cheating child. The only regret I have is that my children have a lowlife for a father. Right now, there is nothing in you that I, as a mother, would want to see in our sons. I want much better for them and I will do everything in my power to make sure they do not turn out to become the miserable son of a bitch that you are (a sexual degenerate). On a daily basis, God helping me, I will make sure they grow up without your toxicity. Oh yes, I will make sure they do not grow to be empty and soulless creatures who will spend their lives looking for other people to use and abuse in order to feel better. Someday, I hope your self-loathing consumes you.
I have found myself relating with women and children who are dealing with the pain of betrayal. I now know too well the embarrassment and shock that comes from finding that someone you loved and trusted is not the person you believed them to be…nor is my life what I imagined. It has been a lie.
You have hurt me –the woman you stood with in front of a church full of people and God and promised to honour -deeply. You have not only hurt me, but you have demeaned me, disrespected me, changed my life. You have hurt me in ways I would never have imagined. And you are not just cheating on me, you are also cheating on the children we brought into this world. A basic violation of morality.
I am very sure you have completely separated what is going on with your mistress and your love for our children. You think it has nothing to do with them. You expect their unconditional love despite your actions. You will get it, it won’t cost you a thing but it will cost them everything.
You are blind to the reality of the harm you have caused our children and I am powerless to stop the downward slide my children perceive from their father-figure and the ‘family protector’ No matter how careful you think you are, how little you think I know and how justified you think you are for what you are doing, know that, in addition to damaging my self esteem, your children’s images will be redrawn by your choices. Someday, our sons will grow up to resent the way you are treating me now and somehow, they may grow up to do the same thing, cause the same pain and repeat what may be a never-ending cycle of broken vows and lost faith.
Our daughter may grow up to date or marry men who will treat her just as you are treating me. And no matter how hard she tries to choose differently, she will always end up with the same type of man and the cycle will continue with her children.
Ask yourself if a lifetime of damage and pain repeating itself for generations is really worth it?
Perhaps none of this will happen, perhaps you will never get caught, perhaps I will remain whole and unscarred and perhaps our children will grow up and have healthy relationships. Perhaps. But how likely is that? Kids need two parents working together. But now that Satan has grabbed you, my job as a faithful partner is much harder.
How do you cope with the insurmountable stress of covering up what you know to be wrong in the eyes of God?
I remember how hard it was to breathe in the wake of discovering your affair. I remember the frantic tears and screaming that consumed me. I was angry and hurt for months but I have opened my eyes each morning after that fateful day and I have SURVIVED. I am going to find true happiness and peace within my soul. The pain you have caused me will recede with time. I am now in control of my future and the people I choose to share my life. I am secure in myself and this is a great blessing. I will not let your affair change who I am deep down inside. Life continues despite the pain I feel and the tears I have cried. I remind myself now that the sun rises each morning out of darkness and so shall I. I am too good for you. You don’t deserve me at all.
I have searched everywhere and come to realize that there is no road-map to heal from infidelity but to trust totally in the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The pain has simply led me to a door to a new life. My life will be better because of the pain you have caused me. I have been trying to figure out God’s purpose for allowing Satan grab my marriage in a stranglehold and not let go. I see a good purpose in all this is my redemption. The adversities I have faced these past months have brought me closer to my Saviour. I spend a great deal of time praying. Constant prayers asking the Lord to make this stop, protect my children and just make the pain go away. God will not give me more than I can handle, this I know (1 Corinthians 10:13). That said, I have to protect my children. I can not allow them to learn that their father’s behaviour is normal or acceptable. This is a fine line I walk, as I have vowed never to allow a negative comment about you pass from my lips to their ears.
You created a real mess by detonating the betrayal bomb. If you finally decide that this marriage is worth trying to save, you will need to be totally honest and transparent. I demand total honesty from you. This marriage’s survival depends on your ability to earn back my trust – slowly and steadily.
I seem to be on this journey myself, hoping someday to heal and be able to forgive. I know forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, but it is hard to remember that when your whole world is falling apart.
When you are done shagging your whore tonight (that is if she lets you touch her after she reads my letter to her), read Proverbs 6:32, Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 6:24-29, 1 Corinthians 10:8, Revelations 2:20-22 and Revelations 21:8.