LETTER TO SHAGGY…THE DOG
My Love (?),
You must be at ‘Work’ now abi? And you will be very busy till past midnight, shebi? You spend so much time in your ‘Office’ and you are still not on any of Forbes List? Eishhhhhhhh
You are sleeping with someone else, aren’t you? You let yourself be blindly led by the good looks and smooth talks of another woman. Satan waited on the shore of your life, he baited you, reeled you in and dropped you in the bucket with the rest of the idiot men he’s caught. Shame on you. And to justify what is dishonest and hurtful, you have cast me like a total shrew. Step back and truthfully determine if I am truly as bad as you have convinced yourself (and probably the woman you are sleeping with). It does not matter how bad things were before the affair. It is your fault and not mine. No matter what you, the adulterer, think you are escaping, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to cheat. You chose to cheat because of the kind of person you are, because of the circumstances you allowed yourself to be involved in, not because I wasn’t good enough. You neglected your marriage and used me as an excuse to ‘step out’. We (your family) do not deserve the life your actions have forced on us.
You sleep with a high paid corporate prostitute and you think it makes you ‘cool’ and ‘strong’? Don’t be foolish. Adultery is not a sign of strength; it is a sign of weakness. It is not an indicator of a healthy adulthood but an indicator of wounded juvenile behaviour. Adultery is a sign of an out-of-control penis and not the badge of great leadership. You have no moral or conscience. You are a sociopath. From where I sit, I can see that you are cruel and heartless. My children do not deserve to have a big giant shit like you in their lives. But they love you and I am sure they will figure it out soon enough. I won’t even have to say a word. If you could have been half the man you said you were, you would have been pretty great. But as it stands, you are NOTHING. You are not a man. You are a selfish, lying, cheating child. The only regret I have is that my children have a lowlife for a father. Right now, there is nothing in you that I, as a mother, would want to see in our sons. I want much better for them and I will do everything in my power to make sure they do not turn out to become the miserable son of a bitch that you are (a sexual degenerate). On a daily basis, God helping me, I will make sure they grow up without your toxicity. Oh yes, I will make sure they do not grow to be empty and soulless creatures who will spend their lives looking for other people to use and abuse in order to feel better. Someday, I hope your self-loathing consumes you.
I have found myself relating with women and children who are dealing with the pain of betrayal. I now know too well the embarrassment and shock that comes from finding that someone you loved and trusted is not the person you believed them to be…nor is my life what I imagined. It has been a lie.
You have hurt me –the woman you stood with in front of a church full of people and God and promised to honour -deeply. You have not only hurt me, but you have demeaned me, disrespected me, changed my life. You have hurt me in ways I would never have imagined. And you are not just cheating on me, you are also cheating on the children we brought into this world. A basic violation of morality.
I am very sure you have completely separated what is going on with your mistress and your love for our children. You think it has nothing to do with them. You expect their unconditional love despite your actions. You will get it, it won’t cost you a thing but it will cost them everything.
You are blind to the reality of the harm you have caused our children and I am powerless to stop the downward slide my children perceive from their father-figure and the ‘family protector’ No matter how careful you think you are, how little you think I know and how justified you think you are for what you are doing, know that, in addition to damaging my self esteem, your children’s images will be redrawn by your choices. Someday, our sons will grow up to resent the way you are treating me now and somehow, they may grow up to do the same thing, cause the same pain and repeat what may be a never-ending cycle of broken vows and lost faith.
Our daughter may grow up to date or marry men who will treat her just as you are treating me. And no matter how hard she tries to choose differently, she will always end up with the same type of man and the cycle will continue with her children.
Ask yourself if a lifetime of damage and pain repeating itself for generations is really worth it?
Perhaps none of this will happen, perhaps you will never get caught, perhaps I will remain whole and unscarred and perhaps our children will grow up and have healthy relationships. Perhaps. But how likely is that? Kids need two parents working together. But now that Satan has grabbed you, my job as a faithful partner is much harder.
How do you cope with the insurmountable stress of covering up what you know to be wrong in the eyes of God?
I remember how hard it was to breathe in the wake of discovering your affair. I remember the frantic tears and screaming that consumed me. I was angry and hurt for months but I have opened my eyes each morning after that fateful day and I have SURVIVED. I am going to find true happiness and peace within my soul. The pain you have caused me will recede with time. I am now in control of my future and the people I choose to share my life. I am secure in myself and this is a great blessing. I will not let your affair change who I am deep down inside. Life continues despite the pain I feel and the tears I have cried. I remind myself now that the sun rises each morning out of darkness and so shall I. I am too good for you. You don’t deserve me at all.
I have searched everywhere and come to realize that there is no road-map to heal from infidelity but to trust totally in the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The pain has simply led me to a door to a new life. My life will be better because of the pain you have caused me. I have been trying to figure out God’s purpose for allowing Satan grab my marriage in a stranglehold and not let go. I see a good purpose in all this is my redemption. The adversities I have faced these past months have brought me closer to my Saviour. I spend a great deal of time praying. Constant prayers asking the Lord to make this stop, protect my children and just make the pain go away. God will not give me more than I can handle, this I know (1 Corinthians 10:13). That said, I have to protect my children. I can not allow them to learn that their father’s behaviour is normal or acceptable. This is a fine line I walk, as I have vowed never to allow a negative comment about you pass from my lips to their ears.
You created a real mess by detonating the betrayal bomb. If you finally decide that this marriage is worth trying to save, you will need to be totally honest and transparent. I demand total honesty from you. This marriage’s survival depends on your ability to earn back my trust – slowly and steadily.
I seem to be on this journey myself, hoping someday to heal and be able to forgive. I know forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, but it is hard to remember that when your whole world is falling apart.
When you are done shagging your whore tonight (that is if she lets you touch her after she reads my letter to her), read Proverbs 6:32, Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 6:24-29, 1 Corinthians 10:8, Revelations 2:20-22 and Revelations 21:8.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
YOUR WIFE.
Posted on January 22, 2014, in Dear Jesus and tagged adultery, cheating, fornication, home wrecker, hurt, pain. Bookmark the permalink. 86 Comments.
Ezar's Chronicles 
Like my pastor would say, which I didn’t believe at first but I’m learning to believe now, YOU DESERVE WHO YOU MARRY… Shikena. And divorce? Let’s not even go there.
In a real life situation tho, I would rather this wife focused on saving her relationship more rather than writing letters lol…
I love that you mentioned that she is in prayers.
But of course it is the salient issues you raised in this that are important.
One word, ladies MARRY WELL…
All this wahala is absolutely unnecessary.
In the past coupla days, I have had cause to be extra thankful that my three friends and I and the kinda absolute blessing and joy our marriages are turning out to be and the exceeding glory that lies ahead. And I do foray for our single friends that they too will marry well.
No need for series of letters abeg.
If we are going to be writing letters, they would be LOVE LETTERS…
E’
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How can u be so insensitive to someone’s pain?
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Let every man be satisfied with the wife of his youth . My wife is passionate about good homes let all men keep their bodies pls respect your marriage . There is nothing you ll get from a girl outside that you can get from your wife marriage is all about discipline , control yourself
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Damn auto-correct
PRAY not foray
Then saving her MARRIAGE not relationship…
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**wheww!** serious blast to them shaggy(s)… LOL!! NICE ONE!!
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Thank you Soch.
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Wow! Very well written ‘Zarino! Her pain shone through in your words. I’m enjoying following your blog, it’s revealing facets of you I never imagined.
It’s sad to say that the moral degradation isn’t a recent development, it has existed virulently since time immemorial! The excuse has always been that men are “polygamous animals”. My question is, why can’t you rise to the challenge to raise yourself beyond that which you are called by?! They appear helpless and are enabled by wives, mothers, disposables and society at large!
I’m honestly exhausted and will rather not go off on a rant in your comment section. Perhaps, I will do a proper article on it soon.
Once again, great job cherie!
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Thank you Cheech…and I love d name ‘Zarino’. Im waiting for the proper article…lol
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E’,i guess u just married nd enjoying d honey in d moon,nd therefore a ‘baby in marriage’.We all did nd it was wonderful-dat was d period of our’marry well’.It was marital bliss all d way 4 many yrs,wit beautiful children of a ‘wonder-full’marriage,until SUDDENLY…..the bombshell!Pray make wahala no visit u,or ask 4 grace 2 overcome them.Rem u are still in d ‘Creche’of marriage!Those dat hv borne d burden nd heat of marriage will tell u dat they worked hard to ‘marry well’,but their best was not ‘good enough’,which our mothers of old can testify to,if they are sincere nd real.For a traumatized woman,like ‘The Wife’,if writing a letter(which is just once i believe,2 create awareness)will help her 2 let off steam nd reduce d pain,why not.It is like telling d bereaved not 2 cry.Mbanu.Emotions are expressed differently depending on d individual.Anyway Ezar,i enjoyed d ‘letters’.It will help many hurting wives 2 know dat they are not alone,dat it not just perculiar 2 them,nd dat wit prayers they can move on until d Lord intervenes.It is an excellent piece-i can identify wit d storyline.ji si ike!
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Prayer…that is the most important Solution.
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A bitter story indeed! Encourage urself in christ and most importantly know ur spouse and ask God to reveal him/her, u deserve to know who u r spendin ur life with.. Grace!
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Yes. Wait on God to direct you to choose wisely
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*long comment alert*
I need to clarify this… Booski no vex…
Ruth darling…
At the expense of a back and forth, I’ll respond. But this would be my first and only response… 🙂
I live by the Word… The Bible. If it is NOT in the bible, I don’t bother…
And I have stopped being emotional about the bible and what it prescribes…
A couple of things the bible says about marriage…
Marriage is an HONORABLE thing… (Heb 13:4)
He who finds a wife……and obtains FAVOR from the Lord… Prov 18:22
And many many more…
All good. All beautiful.
Now as per the ‘baby in marriage…’ Yup. I am all of 7weeks and 4days in marriage (courted for 5yrs n 5months tho. Not that it counts…) And frankly marriage has been all heaven and more. Of course there are challenges and work dey this tin but thank God for the Holy Spirit (and wise counsellors) who have been involved from courtship and will remain till death or rapture. And my marriage will get plenty better. How do I know?
The bible again…
Prov 4:18 The path of the righteous (right living people) glow with light… The longer they live, the brighter they shine. The more popular version says ‘shines brighter and brighter…’
Now dear Ruth, is there any promise in the bible that says that we will enjoy our marriage during the ‘creche’ or ‘marry well’ season until SUDDENLY there is a BOMB SHELL and wahala visits? If there is, please Chapter and Verse… Then ehen, okwu agbasago… I do however have a problem when people try to use experience/tradition/stories/etc to reduce/change/negate what God has already said about som’in.
The storyline is brilliant… Very salient points are raised here about adultery and all the hell it releases which is why it gets my vote. I however insist that if we involve God all the way, we won’t have need for such letters. This letter-scenario is the reality of some, sadly. Husbands cheat. Wives cheat. Families are broken. But this is NOT God’s original idea for marriage. It will NEVER be. All He created He called good and very GOOD!!! I strongly believe that if we obey the Word even when it hurts, we will enjoy marriage like God intended it START TO FINISH even with the challenges…
Now there will be challenges which is why our brother Paul says abeg if u can’t deal with the challenges/difficulties of marriage/additional stress in an already stressful time/complications/nuts and bolts of domestic life/demands/time/energy, stay single. All these terms are used to describe marriage in 1st Cor 7 (I use the Message version)
But if you must marry, there is Grace like you said as long as you are willing to do things God’s way which begins from choosing right.
Of course sometimes, good RIGHT people make wrong decisions. I had a Pastor’s wife tell me how hubby was once unfaithful BUT it was a one-off NOT a habit. A challenge yup but by God’s grace, they worked it out wella and are even a model marriage for me. Now does that mean that I would now be expecting that if a whole PASTOR could cheat, then hubby aint exempt. One day, he too may/will? Nope!!! Mba!!! I hold on to the Word where Joseph decides ‘…I won’t sin against God and sleep with you…’
So my dear, cheating is a sad reality but also is sexual/marital faithfulness/fidelity. I choose the latter. And I am willing to pay the price for it…
From creche-hood to Post-Doctorate sef!!! So help us God…
E’
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That is our prayer. That we all enjoy marital bliss and fidelity. And that those who are in marital distress will find comfort in the Holy Spirit while praying for God’s intervention. Hod is always on time
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E.In the Bible is also humility,it says take heed lest he that stand should not have a bad fall.The positive outlook is good,so is sensitivity when you talk.If you have not walked in peoples shoes plz don’t jugde them.Reserve your energy for the journey ahead of you.
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E’,why are u so touchy!Why d outburst,nd frm a christian blogger?Wit all ur Bible quotes,u dnt smell Christian.Wit dat ur ‘Eze onye agwa nam’ attitude,i can still deduce u are in a ‘spiritual’creche.The driver in ur blog might b right,are u sure u are christian?Yes ooo,bt on ‘fabu’ lane.Wit ur kind of outburst,e go b earthquake-letterwriting na smallooooooooo.Grow up girl(madam)-u dont hv d last word.Rem we are in a global village nd not in ‘your’world.no wonder u dont allow comments in ur site.U will end up quarrelling wit all those dat oppose ur views.I cease 2 follow u.I hv nothing 2 lose wen u are always talking abt urself.Christianity is abt people nd d issues of life.Besides,as an elder in marriage,i advice dat u watch ur comments so dat u dnt bring guilt on those dat are not as fortunate like u.Madam,hv d best in marriage,Amen.
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ruth I tink wat E* is trying to say is the subscription to biblical principles by both couples. its easier said than done anyways..am not married as d case may b buh I know marriages aint al dat rosy,…n it tkes grace to b in it whn challenges creeps into it… and most times its not that easy
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Hem has answered.
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Dear E. I just read your comment, and I absolutely get where you are coming from. But unconsciously, you came off as self righteous (Even though after reading your comment I know that’s not your intention). However, as christians we should apply wisdom and discretion in our utterances. “Where there are many words, transgression is not far”. The above comment was right with “let him who stand be careful lest he fall “. Agreed God plans only good and not evil for us, but we are on earth where the devil is ruling and we would definitely go through challenges. New level new devil, hence the bible says “MANY are the afflictions of the ‘righteous’ but the lord God delivers them from all. The question of marrying right is far from the point. You may marry the “right person”, doesn’t mean you won’t experience things of concern. There are a plethora of marital challenges besides adultery, lets not even go into that. I’m sure your comment came from a place of faith and the promises of God. But the bible says when people are mourning, you mourn with them, and vice versa, so your comment of “people are living with that sad reality” is rather insensitive. Its like saying someone loses a loved one and instead of comforting them you say “Thank God my own is alive” even though in all things we should thank God. Nobody enters a marriage with the intention of experiencing “problems”, but life happens to some regardless of it not being God’s intention (which no one is contesting). Some people may not have reached the level of spiritual knowledge you feel you’ve achieved, hence “sensitivity” and wisdom is of utmost importance. But God help us all, we are all growing Christians so we should try to edify each other and not always share our “Truth” to the detriment of those hurting, or in your words “living in the sad reality”. I pray God gives us all grace to live a godly life and not attract reproach to ourselves, in the guise of expressing opinions, God bless the writer, very creative piece.
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lovely piece. …. hope shaggy d dog is reading this. you have been caught 🙂
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Thank you Hem.
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wowwwww!Great images-d wife, nd shaggy.If d shaggy’s will come like this(nd not masked),many of d wives today go runoooooooo.Who will want 2 marry a doggy-man?The desire of every woman is 2 marry a man made in God’s image nd after His image.But nothing spoil!The great POTTER in Heaven is more than able 2 remove dat ‘doggy’ head dat reasons like dog,nd put ‘correct’ head dat is ‘Godly'(Jeremiah 18:1-6).Our God is too much!!!Nothing spoil 4 Him hand.All He needs is ‘total surrender’.
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Oui….Our God is too much. Thank you
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Ezar,I no go vex 4 my husband again.Wen i see am 4 inside dat photo,e touch me.So my husband dey like thisoooo.God-forbid.I de pity am too much.’Our Great Potter in Heaven,i beg pity my husband as i dey pity am so,nd give am correct head.I no like d dog head wey make am look like monster.Thank You 4 answering my prayer in Jesus name.
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An adulterer is a dog.
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I can totally relate with this woman writing a letter, maybe not to the “other woman” though, but most times, i let out anger with a pen and paper instead of screaming at somebody (esp in cases when screaming would be useless) and i feel better afterwards.
The beautiful thing about her letter is the fact that as hurt and confused as she is, she knows God has
got her and she is sticking with what she knows.
I also agree that there is no excuse for cheating, but dare i say that we only know one side of the story, apart from some pathetic excuses called men, there is never smoke without fire. something leads to the other.
I am not excusing the man’s behavior O! Plus the woman is willing to forgive which is the beginning of the reinstatement of her own absolute peace.
I also think E isn’t trying to be haughty but is just living by faith and continuously calling the things that are not as though they were. We live by faith not by sight.
Christ never promised that the world u are in would be fair to u, but he sure promised that you’ll find peace in him. My heart goes out to the women going through this, but as hard as it is to believe, the cloudy sky and rain cannot possibly last forever.
Got has got you even when it doesn’t look like it.
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Yes Ennie. God’s got us. Thank you
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I don’t think Eziaha is judging,I feel she is lookin at things positively,
We aint gonna say,adultery isn’t common place in the world,and yes,the letter bore somthing painful!
However in the cause of my work,I have seen more women commit adultery,so It isn’t the man that does that anymore,reason:he is nt always thr,he can’t perform,so before we think adultery is a male disease!hehehehehehhe,letz look and think again!
Tz painful when it happens ,and that’s why marriage is for better for worse!
And as Eziaha says,we can pray ,steadfastly hopin on God’s word,that we’ll nt fall either ways,as the vicitm or the perpetrator!
I was reading punch newspaper,and thr was a feature on hw to be a good mistress!oh yes it was thr life,I had to blink twice to be sure,sunday punch:and she said:dress seductively,do the things the wife will most likely not do,try out all the sexual positions!
Meanin thr r even wife sexual positions and mistress sexual positions?,she went ahead to say dnt nag him(wife probably does that)!so wives tz good to behave like mistresses too!(Wateva dat means),make d home inviting, I can go on n on
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Ahhhhh. Wives and mistresses have special sexual positions kwa?
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Nice one, hope shaggy reads this, God has given us the grace to have self control, the Spirit of a prophet is subject to him. Likewise Shaggy’s sexual urge, So we wont go down with the stupid excuse of” its our nature” we are created that way” Work on yourself shaggy, and you will see positive results, Mrs, please always preesent your husband before God at all times, dont wait till the bombshell drops, @ E’ and Ruth, Evryone is entitled to her opinion, dont take it too personal.nice one Nebs
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Thank you Nebs.
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yes,husbands like Obinna(previous post)might hv d ffing excuses.It begins wit….its not what u think….u pushed me into it…..i didnt know i married a devil….shes my PA….shes my twitter follower,…..shes my facebook friend…..she is my spiritual daughter dat i mentor….i cant help it,correct guy like me is d desire of every woman….i have provided u wit every thing a woman needs,why NAG me abt who i see……she is one of my’chatting’friends…..she is my business partner….,she is my patient….shes my political supporter…..shes just a friend,i prefer female friends 2 male friends….she ws my school daughter while i was in school……u dnt expect me 2 stick 2 one woman for d rest of my life,….u hv changed,u are not d woman i married….man no b wood…..i married d wrong woman,looking 4 my rib…………….(d list continues).’O wretched man that i am!who shall deliver me frm d body of this death?I THANK GOD THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD’….Romans 7:24,25b
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We thank God…For his grace and mercy.
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Letter to shaggy…another on point post from Ezar.
Shaggy pls heed…
And as much as this is fictional,its also many women’s real life situation, writings therapeutic but I do pray God heals as many that are in this kinda situation…
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My darling…Thank you
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thank u my sister.indeed its about a real life issue,nd not abt ‘marrying well’.All these ITK BABES,UNREALISTIC BABES.what has courtship to do wit d ‘reality of marriage’?I neva marry sha,bt my Mama dey like this woman,nd don suffer 4 my papa hand.Nice christian woman wey marry’Pharoah’.
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Africa women dey suffer in life nd wen she exit 4 gloryland.Give d man 6mths nd e don remarry witout memorial service 4 d late wife.Bt wen na d other way round,d wife no go remarry.Instead e go stay raise their children alone.Go 2 churches nd see d populatn of woman wey dey cry out 2 our Papa God.Some don sow seed tire nd some don fast tire,even follow ‘spiritual principles’.But we hv hope like Bro Job of old who said,’though He slay me, i will come forth as gold’.Fellow women,keep hope alive,One day u will tell ur story nd it will encourage others whose ‘shoes’/’shaggys’are pinching them.Hellooooooooo.
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Yes…keep hope alive
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Sis 92,i dey hail u.U correct say dis na real life issues.what has courtship has 2 do wit d reaiity of marriage?All these ITK/UNREALISTIC BABES.Its not abt marrying well.My mama don suffer well well like that wife-nice christian woman wey marry well nd born me well,but get ‘Pharoah’ as husband.
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God will help your mama. Let’s drop the name calling please. Thank you
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I will prefer dat an aggrieved wife writes this letter,than 4 me 2 write a divorce letter 4 her.This is better,or best.I am tired of writing divorce letters.
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Lol…Our lawyer is tired of writing divorce letters. Good one. But it pays part of your bills ooooooooo. Job hazard. It’s well
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Power dey corrupt husbands.Imagine,i hear say Obama don get ‘the other woman’,bt instead of writing,Michelle talk dis letter 4 mouth.I think say dey marry well wit all d public romance.Poor Michelle.Na only God go help women.
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Power corrupts women too. We have seen that in our country. God help us all
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God will help us
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Amen.
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What a cold night!Its midnight nd he is not home again.Another political meeting?dats always his excuse,bt i know its d other woman.So painful-a feeling of rejectn nd abandonment.Help me Lord!
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The Lord will definitely help you. Just wait on Him. May His grace be sufficient for you.
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This is my story.The only difference is dat i cant write him b/c he will not read.If not,i wuld hv downloaded dis heart-wrenching letter 4 him.I can’t talk 2 him b/c he wont listen.He is too busy for my attention.I cant complain 2 anyone b/c he was my choice,my first love.He has betrayed d wife of his youth 4 another.Somebody shld pray 4 me b/c i cant even pray.Its all tears……………………………..
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God will restore your marriage in Jesus ’ Name
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Madam,may d Lord wipe away ur tears nd heal ur marriage.’Weeping may endure in d night but joy cometh in d morning’.
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Amen.
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My Sister(the wife),thank God dat u children.My case is differentooo.I am a Hannah,expecting d fruit of d womb,nd my husband like Penninah has provoked me sorely thro affairs wit other women.My in-laws are not helping matters.I am now a ghost of myself.Bt dis i know-My Redeemer liveth!He will answer me like He answered Hannah,Amen.
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This is your year in Jesus’ name
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Women,shine ur eyes,it may not b ‘d other woman’but’d other man’.Ur husband might b a bisexual or a ‘converted homosexual’.Hv u noticed d great protest against d anti-gay law in Nigeria?
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Lol…true
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Wowwwwww!I never thot about it This is breaking-news.Women,we are trouble.Which is better now-d other man or d other woman?None of d above is my answer.
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None of the above please
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Jesus is coming soon!!!He/she dat bears d name of d Lord shuld depart frm iniquity.
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True
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I thank God dat people are opening up through dis God-sent letter.As a matter of fact,4 a long time my husband kept away frm me nd i thought it was d other woman.Wit all my accusations,he neva replied.One fateful day,he called me aside nd told me dat he loved me dearly nd could not cheat on me.Dat was wen he told me dat he was impotent.It was devastating for both of us,but together we sought medical help nd there is great improvement.So mine was not d other woman or man,but a medical problem dat kept my husband away….d shame of it.
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Thank God for healing him. It is well
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Kia Dum dum you write so gracefully+ we ladies need to continue going down on our knees for our men,it works wonders truly,I have learnt it and am still learning it.
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Yaayyyyyyyyyy. Lady Warrens is hereeee.thank you darling. Yeah…in all the writings…Prayer is d only way forward. God bless you
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I am a banker nd u can identify wit my working hours.I get home exhausted.I manage 2 do one or two things nd i sleep off till d next day.This continued for years nd i thot i was winning,until dis fateful day dat i needed my credential nd had 2 dash home at abt 12noon.Lo nd behold,it was my best friend nd my husband on our matrimonial bed.Unbelievable,bt it happened nd wit d usual excuse frm both,…..’its not what u think’.I might not b thinking their thots,but i got into serious thinking.It was all my fault.I sacrificed my marriage on d altar of a career dat did not allow me 2 fulfil my responsibilities as a wife nd a mother.I hv since left my job 4 another,though our finances dwindled considerably.It is better than loosing my marriage.I shuld be a Helper nd not a Breadwinner!
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Wowwwww. Sad one. But, one can still be a helper and a breadwinner. Balance and wisdom is necessary. Thank God for healing ur marriage.
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Ezar,of all d letters dat i hv read since Obj’s open letter,this is d ‘best’.It is genuine nd frm d heart.I am planning 2 put it up in one of d national dailies.It is a must read 4 married couples.Watch Out!
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Gratitude. I’m certainly flattered
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What we lack as humans is contentment-not being satisfied wit what we have nd therefore crave 4 more.Eve was not satisfied wit d tree of life nd craved 4 d tree of knowledge of good nd evil.In Num11,d children of Israel were not satisfied wit manna nd craved 4 meat.We hv also read how these examples ended….Judgement.For all those dat are not satisfied wit their spouse,nd crave ‘strangers’,God will judge u as is written in Heb13:4.You are inexcusable,O man! Brethren,always rem.dat Godliness wit contentment is great gain.Remain rapturable!
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Thank you sir.
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This is a letter dat every hurting wife wuld want to write nd let off steam.I never thot of it nd i paid dearly 4 verbally confronting my very temperamental cheating husband(u know d quiet heart to heart talk in d bedroom).It begins with,…Honey,hope all is well in ur office.For some time,u hv been coming home late.He replies,…..whats wrong wit that?A fone call interupts us nd he runs out 2 pick it behind closed doors.Suddenly he returns nd he is getting ready 2 go out.It is d other woman,just after dinner.I ask,….are u seeing someone?Wit dis question,all hell is let loose,alerting every one in d house.From then on,he became both defensive nd offensive.I ended up not fully expressing myself like dis kind of letter wuld probably have done for me.Temperamental cheating spouses are unpredictable,but we prayerfully learn nd grow in d job of coping wit their idiosyncracies until d Lord’s visitatn.
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Fellow wives,which is a better alternative,’a cheating husband’ or ‘an abusive husband?Who cares who he is with as long as i hv some peace.Its horrific.I dare not write this type of letter!
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I will say that reading the comments have proved to be fascinating, in fact, very enjoyable. We’ve had differing opinions and honestly, I’m at a loss for words. You’ve all said it all!
However, I’ll drop ONE quote here: “History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.” – Dr. Martin Luther King. Silence is awful! Kudos to the woman in the post #speakout
Now here’s something I gleaned from the comments above: While total contempt for the man’s behavior is outwardly shown, the woman bears the weight of the failed relationship. (RE:The woman who quit her job to save her marriage. Would’ve loved to know what the man sacrificed as well…not that it makes it even, he’s still guilty). We live in a time where our aprons are laced with abandoned dreams of others- even the misconduct and guilt of others. We have so much to live for; the society’s expectations are crushingly overbearing, and at the end of the day, everyone points fingers at females in a magisterial fashion.
Okay I lied. Here’s a second quote: “My pride convinced my heart not to feel. Now I don’t know what hurt more: the actual heartbreak or the act of holding it in.” – Sarah Jakes. Please let every woman that hath breath write epistles to shaggy and his minions! Amen
Excellent writing from you, Ezar! *I need some air. You just lit up this blog space!* Lol 😀
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AWWWWWWWW. Thank you Maggie. Thank you
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yesooooo.I sacrificed my career on d altar of marriage 2 b a housewife,b/c according 2 him,he doesnt want his wife 2 b bossed around.Guess what?He is affectionately ‘bossing’/’shagging’the other woman.Thats d fate of many African women like me whose dreams were ‘killed’by their husbands.
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So touching, totally enjoyed reading
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To shag is a big crime against ‘womanity’.But d worst crime is wen shaggy slanders his wife/paints her black before dis ‘side whore’ inorder 2 satisfy his lust.Thats how low shaggy can stoop 2 enjoy d pleasures of sin.Chei!!!
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Ada,u are right.They called me wicked(I became their pillow talk).How did i know?In d fit of anger,he vomitted their conversation in order to get at me.’This is man’s inwomanity againt woman’.
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Thanks love.
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As mama of graduates,my husband had d effontery 2 compare me wit a whore.Hear him–She is more shapy than u.I found out to his shame,dat she is my daughter’s age mate.What a comparison!
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What should you do when you are attacked…verbally or physically, financially, spiritually or, like the letters, attacked in your marital life? Simply PRAY and KEEP PRAYING.
Israel, too, experienced such attacks. Take the Amalekites, for example: “The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim.” (Exodus 17:8, NIV2)
Do you know what brought them victory from these tormentors?
“As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.” (Exodus 17:11, NIV2)
This is so powerful! As long as Moses had his hands outstretched to heaven, Israel experienced victory over these insulting assaults! In other words, prayer is the solution to any kind of attack, in and out of marriage. When we depend solely on God, such assaults become meaningless. After all, our loving Daddy will give us all the encouragement we need, and His peace will fill us to overflowing. This is guaranteed!
Remember:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV2)
Notice that Moses eventually got tired of lifting his hands up to heaven. This is completely natural! What happens is a beautiful illustration of what the church can do for those who become discouraged: Aaron and Hur held up Moses’ hands while he sat on a stone! They lifted him up with encouragement and support, just as any of us who love our Heavenly Father would do to anyone in need! (See Exodus 17:12)
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV2)
The result is always as expected when we depend on our Heavenly Daddy: “So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.” (Exodus 17:13, NIV2). Prayer works, for God savours our relationship with Him. Nothing can faze us, not even our husband, friends or worst enemy, when our eyes are fixed on the Most High! Aiit?
So, to all the hurt ladies..Pray and then keep Praying. God loves you and He will definitely answer. I love you too.
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On new year day was my husband’s birthday nd i had planned 2 give him a deserving meal.As i was pounding yam in d kitchen,i didnt know wen he dressed up,perfumed nd sneaked out of d house.Wen i was ready wit his food,i discovered dat he was not home-‘disposable’ had apparently prepared 4 him.He came back wit a pack of lies dat culd not cover his shagging track.All my efforts were in vain,nd his day ended on a sad note.Can he eat his cake nd still hv it?Nope.
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Aunty Ezar,i am in a dilemma.When i cant pray nd cant read d Bible b/c of my background,does it mean my marriage is on d verge of collapse?How can God help people like me b/c frm d 1st comment 2 d last,its prayer nd Bible quotes dat are alien 2 me.It will take me a while 2 learn how 2 read d Bible nd pray.So until i do,theres no help 4 my marriage.
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The Bible is Life’s manual…given to us by GOD. U have to learn to read and study it. Prayer is the only way to talk to God. U have to learn it too. There is no substitute.
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Aunty Ezar,i am in a dilemma.When i cant pray nd cant read d Bible b/c of my background,does it mean my marriage is on d verge of collapse?How can God help people like me b/c frm d 1st comment 2 d last,its prayer nd Bible quotes dat are alien 2 me.It will take me a while 2 learn how 2 read d Bible nd pray.So until i do,theres no help 4 my marriage?
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I love this piece- it is a fight-inducing piece of writing. It brings so many provocative themes into one provocative tone and screaming had to break out- sure did.
Almost everything about it is awesome. But then, I did notice the strong condemnatory tone of the heartbroken woman as well as the premise of the entire argument – that it is simply the fault of a bad, bad man.
First, I am a man and I am totally against all manner of infidelity or any form of violence against women- by which I refer more to the different forms of psychological battering than to the more obvious physical abuse. I have heard many a lamentation like the above and in most of the instances, it is analogous to the occasion when Tortoise and Rat went to rob the food store of the Animal Kingdom. The operation was successful, but on their way back, the road was flooded and they had to use a bush path that was well patrolled. Rat, a specialist in camouflage and guerrilla warfare made hay and soon disappeared. Tortoise noticed that he just couldn’t get away, so he raised alarm that there was a thief in the heather, giving up his stolen goods as those abandoned by the fleeing rogue. Crying over what we are harvesting, have we paid attention to what we planted?
Our families and marriages are collapsing because we have chosen to ignore the directions of the maker. We see the consequences in so many different ways. The last three rocky marriages I was involved in- still am – are good examples. I always ask my sisters, “If your relationships before marriage, including your courtship, were conducted with a devious disregard for the injunctions of the Lord, how do you then expect your partner -in disobeying God- to become the model Christian husband after marrying you? And God is not one to be mocked. We fool ourselves.
About the tone of the letter, my beef is with respect to the varied audience of the blog. You may have perspective and balance, but everybody is not that fortunate. One calls to mind the admonition not to stumble the weaker Christian even the least of these ones. One remembers that he, Shaggy, is the reason Christ came. One remembers the portrait of love as drawn in 1 Cor. 13 and one remembers the nature of grace and our collective state. Then one pauses in throwing them seemingly well deserved verbal punches.
Peace and love.
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