‘I can’t seem to find THE ONE’ she sobs.
‘Which one?’ I ask.
‘The ONE. The right man for me.’ Then closing her eyes and clasping her hands as if in a plea, she looks up to the heavens and adds ‘The man of my dreams’.
I swallow saliva.
I didn’t like this subject…Suzzy’s love life. Never have, never will.
I remember our days in the university. Suzzy was popular because of her ‘list’. She had listed in detail the FORTY things that would qualify a man to be her husband. It came down to 30 during our service year. 2 years late it was reduced to 15. On her 27th birthday she brought it down to 5. The five have stayed for the past three years. The list says:
The list is not so bad now, yeah? Suzzy has met men with these qualities and more. But she wants fireworks on the first date. She wants to know when she has finally found the one.
She wants sparks.
And singing angels.
Unfortunately, the thing she wants most, the sparks and all to identify THE ONE, can’t be quantified on her list.
Suzzy turned 30 yesterday. We had a sleepover party and when asked by her friends the qualities of the man she hopes to settle with soonest, she replies:
‘Qualities ke? Omo, let him just be breathing. I don’t care what he does or where he is from. Christian or not…let him JUST BE BREATHING!!!!!!!!!’
Sadly, Suzzy is not alone. Many ladies believe they deserve it all, and that includes a soul mate who is exciting, passionate, masculine, and has the same emotions women do. To make matters worse, they start to believe that no matter how great a guy is, there must be someone better out there.
I think we should throw away our lists and focus on inner qualities and essential values rather than outward qualities such as clothes, height, job, or education. Rather than asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with him?” we should ask ourselves, “What values and goals do we share?”
Secondly, I can’t overemphasize enough the importance of having a Christian spouse. Shared values and goals are good but we should limit our search to those men who make their relationship with God first and foremost in their lives, even if it limits our dating pool to .0001 percent.
Yes, most single women would like to be married. Yes, we should not be so quick to judge others according to a superficial list of expectations. But settling for a husband who does not meet God’s standards will not bring us the happy ending we seek.
Being picky can be a good thing—as long as you are picky about the right things.