‘I can’t seem to find THE ONE’ she sobs.
‘Which one?’ I ask.
‘The ONE. The right man for me.’ Then closing her eyes and clasping her hands as if in a plea, she looks up to the heavens and adds ‘The man of my dreams’.
I swallow saliva.
I didn’t like this subject…Suzzy’s love life. Never have, never will.
I remember our days in the university. Suzzy was popular because of her ‘list’. She had listed in detail the FORTY things that would qualify a man to be her husband. It came down to 30 during our service year. 2 years late it was reduced to 15. On her 27th birthday she brought it down to 5. The five have stayed for the past three years. The list says:
The list is not so bad now, yeah? Suzzy has met men with these qualities and more. But she wants fireworks on the first date. She wants to know when she has finally found the one.
She wants sparks.
And singing angels.
Unfortunately, the thing she wants most, the sparks and all to identify THE ONE, can’t be quantified on her list.
Suzzy turned 30 yesterday. We had a sleepover party and when asked by her friends the qualities of the man she hopes to settle with soonest, she replies:
‘Qualities ke? Omo, let him just be breathing. I don’t care what he does or where he is from. Christian or not…let him JUST BE BREATHING!!!!!!!!!’
Sadly, Suzzy is not alone. Many ladies believe they deserve it all, and that includes a soul mate who is exciting, passionate, masculine, and has the same emotions women do. To make matters worse, they start to believe that no matter how great a guy is, there must be someone better out there.
I think we should throw away our lists and focus on inner qualities and essential values rather than outward qualities such as clothes, height, job, or education. Rather than asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with him?” we should ask ourselves, “What values and goals do we share?”
Secondly, I can’t overemphasize enough the importance of having a Christian spouse. Shared values and goals are good but we should limit our search to those men who make their relationship with God first and foremost in their lives, even if it limits our dating pool to .0001 percent.
Yes, most single women would like to be married. Yes, we should not be so quick to judge others according to a superficial list of expectations. But settling for a husband who does not meet God’s standards will not bring us the happy ending we seek.
Being picky can be a good thing—as long as you are picky about the right things.
Posted on February 10, 2014, in Dear Jesus and tagged Finding the One, Picky ladies, Right spouse, Shared values and goals. Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.
Sweerim God bless you.you have spoken the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Mills and boons fairytale romance has led many babes astray!
Love the line this closed with, “being picky can be a good thing, as long as you are picky about the right things”
Thanks for sharing this.
God bless you ma for this post!greater grace and more annointing
I kno a very very pretty lady,her skin z almost ivory,n she isn’t even halfcaste,her hips!kai! The Show stopping-accident causin kind!even ladies drivin wld turn heads n gape!her breast nko,full n alway held up by those killing brassieres!ehmmmn,she isn’t married,sotay she had to visit spiritualist n pastors o for deliverance,wen she needed only a psychologist to tell her!u tink suzzy is picky!mba o!dis milady wld rule out a man,cos she tinks hz legs her thin,or hz head z too big,nt rich enuf(she means he shld b rolling in lots of millions o!)He shld b able to hand her hundreds of thousands without frowning!
I beg u,ladies,pray,ask for God’s leading,
I’m also nt sayin u shld b desperate o!b4 a skeleton wit no vision,wld come around and u scream YES!!!! B4 he even opens hz mouth!all shld b done in moderation!
Hmmm tega, this is a nice one but remember d bible also says it is to u according to ur faith. I’m not in support of making unrealistic “lists” cos truth of the matter is that perfect guy doesn’t exist but my question is should one settle for less all in d name of running late?
Lol @Valerie. I already picture the beautiful sister.
I wish ladies would learn that in marriage, many of these funny things in our list won’t matter as much…
So what do I think? God, love, patience, forgiveness, selflessness, wisdom.
Or should I just say GOD. Cos if a person truly has and obeys God and opens his or her mind to wisdom, all these things will be added easy…
God help us… Amen.
Wooooow! U hit d nail at d head.Wen i got married,i was not born-again nd having a God-fearing man wasn’t my priority.The Christians then were SU’s nd i didn’t like their lifestyle.Besides,they discriminated against unbelievers like me.I also did not have Suzzy’s list,but i wanted a man dat had many things in common wit me 4 a ‘good’flow…..i wanted a friend,not a prince charming.Yes,i wanted somebody dat will make me laugh nd not kill my joy.I wanted 2 be ‘Me’ wen he was around,nd wanted to know he was willing 2 accept ‘Me’.Yes,i didnt believe in faking ‘me’ so dat he can accept ‘Me’for who i am.When dis man of my life came around,our souls connected nd d next thing was marriage.Ladies,keep away frm glamor nd face reality b/c wen d chips are down we will come 2 learn d hard way,..all dat glitters is not gold.After God,go 4 a ‘Heart of Gold’nd not a ‘hand of gold’.However,if d heart of gold has d hand of gold,then its d Lord’s doing nd theres nothing u can do but accept him as a gift frm God!
Great post! Welldone Dear.
Very well written, Lol, @ the rate Suzzy’s list came down to 5, and am wondering wot the other 25 could be, cos the 5 summarized it all, If Suzzy had workd with the 5 from onset, she wouldnt have landed to”as long as he breathes” The funny thing with Ladies is that they know the truth and has seen many examples, Yet most of them have failed to learn frm others mistakes but wants to experience it, Go for a God fearing man,( in truth and in spiritoo, nt flaging in zeal) he alone can treat you right. Nebs Jisikeoo
It is written,-”……they waited not 4 His counsel:but lusted exceedingly in d wilderness and tempted God in d desert.And He gave them their request;but sent leanness into their soul (psalm106:13b-15).I liken Suzzy’s list as a list of lust dat tempts God,doubting His capability 2 give us His choice,which is always d best!Can a clay doubt d capability of d Potter?The Suzzy’s of today who are depending on list 4 a life partner,trust in d Lord nd lean not on ur own understanding.In all ur ways acknowlege Him nd He will direct ur path(Pro3:5,6).Ladies,trust d Lord 2 give u a life-partner, well-tailored 4 u,otherwise,He will give u ur request;but send leanness into ur soul.Take heed,nd wait 4 His counsel!
That last line though? Spot on!
May our choices be guided by God’s initiatives&provisions for us and not conventional standard…
yeancah,it is true dat it shall be unto u according to your faith.For some Suzzy’s,its according 2 their flesh,nd not faith! But which one is best,….according 2 ur faith or according 2 ur flesh or according 2 d will of God?According 2 d will of God is d best b/c He has d ‘total picture’ of my life.His gift enriches without sorrow.Halleluyah!
Picky Suzzy,ur delay in getting married is not denial.I believe it is an act of His great love 2 enable u throw away d list nd trust Him 2 give u d best,not just any man dat breathes or any man in trousers/boxers.When it comes 2 dat,it becomes desperatn/frustratn.Rem.marriage is not 4 anyone dat breathes,but 4 MEN who have obtained favour frm d Lord.Dont enter marriage with d wrong attitude or u will suffer marriagewreck.
If I expect guys to meet all my requirements, I’m dying alone
All u Suzzy’s dat have a list of d supposed character of ur life-partner,hv u ever considered dat d man might have his own list.U want a man dat is tolerant….hv u given d man on board d opportunity 2 know ur temperament?It takes two to tango.There should b friendship b/4 marriage.Don’t judge guys on face value.A guy wit great potential 2 work hard nd make it in life is better than a 419ner dat is throwing his money around 2 win ur hand in marriage.But d love 4 money hs blinded d eyes of many Suzzy’s so dat they can’t see beyond their nose.Talk of d love of money is d root of all evil.I wouldn’t want 2 marry a picky Suzzy.They are hypocrites….wanting 2 reap,but having not sown a common seed.Chei!!!
Today,i am comfortable by His grace,nd through sheer hardwork.I hv made up my mind not 2 be a prey 2 picky Suzzy.When i am ready 2 marry,i will relocate frm my mansion 2 a one bedroom flat without any of my two cars,praying dat i will find my missing rib dat will love me 4 who I am(not b/c of what i have),nd most especially b/c of d God i serve.Men are no longer mugus 2 be twisted round ur little fingers.Get serious nd be urself! Shalom Ladies!
Guys,how can these Suzzy’s take us 4 granted.They dump us 4 rich guys,nd wen d sun is about 2 set on them,they come crawling back,looking 4 any man dat breathes.We should laugh lastooooooooo.
How I loved this my Christian Sister,nd proposed marriage!About d same time,i noticed dat another man was seeking her hand in marriage.I wasn’t threatened….He is an unbeliever though richer than I.But I was mistaken!I was ditched 4 an unbeliever.A Christian sister ditched me 4 an unbeliever,just b/c i wasnt as rich.I was dumbfounded nd heartbroken 4 a long time.I am healing through d comfort of d Holy Spirit,whom i am trusting 2 help me love again.Once bitten,twice shy.
My brother,count it all joy.That sister is not ur rib.God did not allow ur marriage for a reason.Maybe she would have truncated ur destiny or perhaps she wasnt even a Christian.Only God sees nd knows the heart!Let ur heart not be troubled.Try 2 love again.Like Isaac,be comforted by ur Rebecca in Jesus’name.
Hey!While the Ladies our dumping us 4 d rich guys,the dumped are reaching out 2 d rich old maidens.Who is fooling who?Both are fools.Anyone dat lives his/her life without God as d Centre,is a a fool,period.Only a fools says theres no God.Dont live ur life anyhow,…Involve Him in ur relatnships…He cares!
the truth is God puts greatness in small packs. He does this to show us that he is all wise if this is true, then picky suzzy should go to God so he can lead her to the rit person. Most ladies want finished products “dem like better tin” why should you want a king when ure not a queen, do u think God is unjust , I tell u only thieves go 4 what’s not thiers. This is to all picky suzzys if u do not learn to allow God help you u get your man you’ll eventually settle for less. When what is desirable isn’t available then what is available is desirable. Let God Choose for you stop been stupid.the man he brings your way may not look but he ll turn out right . Tony Eh.
Good job on this post. Dr N wrote something similar about this. God is so faithful and always on time.
Ladies,is it not better 4 u 2 listen now 2 d voice of d Lord nd be married,than 2 fast nd pray b/c u missed d day of ur visitatn?On d day of ur visitatn,u did not turn 2 look at d ‘burning bush’ dat d Lord was using 2 arrest ur attention.Rather,u chose 2 look at ur list nd compare notes 2 see whether he is d right guy or not.God cannot be mocked.U reap what u sow.
Today,guys are not in a hurry 2 get married,b/c we know dat age is on our side.The irony of life is dat d Suzzy’s do not have age on their side,yet they are d picky ones!Who are d losers?
Guys,hv u noticed recently dat d Suzzy’s end up marrying rich grandfathers,whose children are their mates?Check out Iwuanyanwu nd others!Na wa.The love of money!
Picky Suzzy,i am breathing nd available,but i’ll marry u only on my terms.1st,u must b gainfully employed.I can’t afford 2 keep a housewife in d house.Next,…as u work,we will share d bills 50:50.
tnx fr ds piece darl. albeit relative buh nowadays men seek women dat cn complement not doz dat r highly parasitic in nature and frustrated. I also hv my list as a guy buh not limited by it. hammering on such a list just shws u static n myopic to d fact dat smtimes life aint wired dat way…
p.s buh for women in d mould of suzzy. mk sure ur looks, reasonin n d way u speak is amng d 8 wonders of d world
I loved this post and I enjoyed reading the interesting comments. I totally agree with your last line. There’s nothing wrong with being picky especially if it is for the right reasons. Choose the one you will be happy to say ‘yes it was my choice’ no matter what happens. I understand why women often go for the rich ones. Women marry for security and these days that mainly refers to financial security. No woman hopes to marry someone who will go looking for who to borrow money from when she’s in labour. This is where discernment and foresight comes into play for a girl who is looking to choose a marriage partner for truly, God sometimes wraps great gifts in small packages.
Like I always say, focus on being the best you you can be and pllllzzzzz…..stop being so desperate…gosh!!!
Ladies cool down nah!
My dear Ladies,don’t behave like a girl-child dat didnt go 2 school.U were given sound education 2 better ur life nd secure ur future.Respect our gender,nd dont lose ur human/woman dignity b/c of d ‘morsel of bread’ called naira.If u work hard,u can marry d man of ur choice,irrespective of whether he has or does not have.The money u sweat together 2 get is sweeter nd better than ‘dash’money frm those dat use u nd dump u.’Bread of deceit is sweet….but afterwards ur mouth shall be filled with gravel(pro20:17).
Who is d God-fearing woman dat wants a God-fearing man,but d no.one on her list is ‘Rich’?For d Suzzys,a God-fearing man is not their priority.It is just a camoflage.They say it with their mouth,but their heart is far frm d truth.Guys forget about d 40 or 5 qualifiers on their on list.The one nd only qualifier is MONEY.If not,tell me why Suzzy will want 2 marry a GRANDFATHER? Who is deceiving who?
Oh Dumebi(E), you are so on point… The wonders of writing, the beauty of crafting your thoughts and ideas into beautiful pieces for us to read and enjoy… I enjoyed the piece and all the comments… Some of the comments from the guys especially made me laugh…
My advice to any ladies who may be reading this is pray pray pray… You can never pray enough for your future; your husband to be, your children to be…I know I started praying way back in my late teens, early twenties even when I was not ready for marriage… I was praying that I would know the one… And not just rush into any man’s arms. I am proud to say that my Abba Father did not disappoint, even when peeps thot I was being picky. I knew my hubby when I met him… At an accident scene (he was my knight in shining armor, my hero defender, my prince sunshine + more). Just after 1 month we were engaged and no looking back. God has blessed my wonderful beloved dearest hubby and I immeasurably in all we’ve asked or imagined in less than 5 years ooooo. Chai, pray wella, pray wella, pray wella… Lists should be burnt abeg…peace and love of Christ Jesus…+
Dumebi darl, one more comment, I forgot to add that whilst waiting, single ladies and guys, in addition to praying ooo, please serve God wella with an attitude of gratitude always for your singlehood. When one is grateful + thankful for one’s singlehood and uses the time well in serving God… Haba, our God is a good God na… He sees the sincerity of our hearts and He pays handsome (no pun intended) rewards…