I press down hard on the accelerator of my ‘Evil Spirit’ and over take a ‘pure water’ (taxi golf). I am late for my appointment with the hair stylist. I forgot Junior had extension classes and fixed a date with Stephanie.
After getting away from that golf, I am now stuck behind a Volvo that is insisting on going 25miles below my preferred speed limit.
The driver is also trying to brake check me at every 100 feet or so. What nonsense. I reach a point in the road where I can pass the car, but it swerves over to straddle the middle line and then he starts breaking and swerving widely, leaving me no room to pass. Arrrrgghhhhh. I would kill this driver if I catch him. Lucky for me, mschewwww, lucky for him, I mean, the car turns onto a different road after a few minutes and spared me the annoyance of being stuck in traffic an wringing the Volvo owner’s neck. As he takes the turn, I scream at him.
“Useless man. Get away jor. Nonsense!”. He ignores me.
I soon discover that the Volvo man was behind another Mazda driver cruising at a solid 25mph. I sigh as I look into my rear view mirror and see Junior shaking his head with pity. For me or the other drivers?
Then he says “You never learn, mummy, do you?”
“Excuse me”, I say.
“You don’t remember what happened in December, do you?”
I am confused as I rack my brain and then it hits me and I smile…with shame.
A few months ago I was on my way to meet up with a very serious appointment before picking my kids from school. I got to a road intersection and was stopped by a traffic light. The light turned green, but the man in the car in front of mine didn’t notice it. I became mad and started ranting and raining curses on the man, all to no avail.
Then the lights turn yellow and the man accelerates past the intersection just before the light turns red. I scream with frustration as I miss my chance to get through the intersection. Just as I stop, two police men order me to exit my car with my hands up. I was moved to the back of the car and driven to the police station where I was allowed to make a phone call before being placed in a cell.
Hours later, Obinna arrived to bail me out after picking my kids from school as I requested during the call. I was released with apologies. Hear the one of the policemen:
“We are really sorry for this mistake ma. But you see, we pulled up behind your car while you were pressing your horn and cursing the man in front of you. Then we noticed the stickers on your bumper: the “What will Jesus do” bumper sticker
the “Follow me to Sunday School” bumper sticker and the Christian Fish emblem on the boot of your car.
So we naturally assumed you had stolen the car because you were not behaving like the Christian your car says you are. We are sorry ma”.
Obinna bursts out laughing while I look down in shame.
I promised myself that day that in future my car stickers will not preach better than my lifestyle.
I have forgotten so soon. I smile as I reduce my speed and plaster a smile on my face for the next irritating driver.