THE TOYS

I don’t know if this is the trend in relationships but I have been asked more than thrice if I think sex toys (now called marital aids, *hiss*) should be used by Christian couples. So, I decided to write and post this so I would be saved from talking constantly about ‘Toys’.
tt
This’s a tough one but hey, I am entitled to my opinion and this post deals with what I think about the use of The Toys.
I have never dwelt on that topic, it rarely crosses my mind, and therefore, I do not have a moral or emotional aversion to them but allow me to share this story (it’s my blog anyway). Sometime ago, a friend of mine was having a dilemma in getting an adequate gift for a bridal shower. She needed something out of the box and we were directed to a shop that sold ‘amazing’ stuff for couples. As a Christian, I was thinking White Holy Bible for the Bride or a Grass ‘weeder’ for the groom (I swear). You can imagine my shock when we walked in. I gasped (no be small) as I stared at the assorted ‘weapons’ they had on display (they also had cool ‘normal’ stuff which we bought). The names were scary. Names like ‘nipple clamps’, ‘cork ring’, ‘butt plug’ and the famous ‘vibrator’. All of them were not appealing and I personally feel they need serious relabeling by their manufacturers. These ‘marital aids’ reminded me of torture materials and I felt life was painful enough without introducing these ‘things’ into the bedroom. I mean, technology is good, don’t get me wrong. They have made domestic and official work so easy but after watching a film like THE TERMINATOR, do you really want to invite machines into your bed?
tt1
You know it never ends well when machines take over. NEVER.
My Christian Sister opinion? Here it goes:
God created sex for married couples alone. With the right spouse, it is physical, spiritual and emotional.
In this 21st century, an era where sex is supposed to involve really weird things our grandparents will shudder to hear, couples are now expected to be gymnasts in bed. Love making is becoming more physical and shallow and I feel The Toys emphasize physical intimacy more since your sole goal is to each orgasm rather than express love.
You can use the following principles to judge if you should use the toys or not.
1. Exclusivity – sexual experiences are exclusively between one man and one woman within the covenant of marriage.
2. Mutuality- sexual intimacy is a collaboration of efforts supported by the mutual respect, agreement and willing sacrifice for the fulfillment of one’s spouse. So, determine if your hesitation is a moral or Biblical issue or the result of upbringing.
3. Conduct- sexual activity and behaviours do not intentionally demean either spouse physically, emotionally or spiritually. It is pleasurable.
4. Purpose- sexual activity or behaviours serve the natural purposes of sex which is genital union.
5. Attitude- sexual activities support a husband and wife’s focus on and preference for one another. Therefore, don’t allow anything that will draw you away from your spouse. Your spouse must be the only person who excites and satisfies you. Find contentment with each other.

I would advise you save the money budgeted for marital aids and invest in real estate or something more worthwhile. Toys in the bedroom should never be used to replace your spouse. It is however a matter of choice.

About Ezar

I'm in love with my dreams, married to success and having an affair with life ;) I live for the moments you can't put into words and I dont look back...unless there's a good view.

Posted on June 18, 2014, in Dear Jesus and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 54 Comments.

  1. Kaiiiiiii. Ezarrrrrr. Oh God. I dont know how you do it, but you did it. Fantastic.

    Like

  2. I love the principles u listed in the post but I must also say that while many Christians and other religions believe that sex toys and lube are “dirty” or “wrong,” there is actually nothing in the Bible that suggests that married couples who are using sex toys together are doing anything wrong! There is nothing that says, “Thou shalt not use sex toys,” so the myth that Christians can’t enjoy these additions to their bedroom repertoire is just that – a myth. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  3. Helli Ezar. First time commenting. I must say youhave done a good job so far. I love how this was written. I am writing now because Im a stakeholder in this business. I own a Sex toy shop and I am a Christian. And I would like to state that if you’re thinking about purchasing sex toys from a Christian based outlet, you’ll find a lot of great items that are intimate and affordable without being crass or objectionable to religious consumers. You might find things like:
    Lubes and flavored lubes, Vibrators (bullet and torpedo style vibrators are common, while dildos and penis shaped vibrators are usually not offered), Massage oils, Intimate, sensual lingerie, sex games, Condoms and feather ticklers,
    Now, while you will usually find the “tame” stuff at my store that caters to people of faith, don’t expect to find any of these items unless you’re looking in a traditional adult entertainment store: Anal sex products of any kind, Pornography, BDSM products, Gay or lesbian products. I am against all these.
    So I said all these to let u know that even though I dont think marital aids is essentially bad, some shouldnt even be acceptable. I agree with ur principles as a judging criteria, though.

    Like

  4. Personally, I hope I dont have to resort to these ‘toys’ but in today’s society, everyone comes from a different walk of life. Each person has different beliefs and values, and it’s important to respect the beliefs and values of others while staying true to your own. Remember that trying to shove your personal beliefs down someone else’s throat is only going to end badly. Do what you’re comfortable doing and allow others do what they’re comfortable doing. Each person must decide for themselves what is okay for them and what isn’t, and this is part of what Christian sex toy stores are all about – allowing people to shop for what they want in an environment that feels comfortable and safe!

    Like

  5. I personally believe God wants us to have healthy, happy relationships with our spouses, and that as long as our relationships are healthy and happy (meaning as long as someone isn’t being demeaned or mistreated, etc) I don’t think He cares what they entail. We’re supposed to have that closeness with one another, to be able to enjoy being with one another. I don’t think He cares how we do that. I think He cares more about what’s in our heart than how we act it out with our spouses, if that makes sense. Then again, I’m one of those who doesn’t believe He’s up there keeping score of what’s right or wrong so He can punish us. I just think that if He were going to be unhappy with something, it would be something that harms the relationship or makes it unhealthy, not something that helps you keep a healthy happy relationship, if you get what I mean.

    Like

  6. Sex toys are fine. I am a Christian also, and have a well stocked “toy chest” God created sex, he created our bodies to feel pleasure, and as long as we are doing within the bounds of marriage as intended, then there’s nothing wrong with it!

    Like

  7. I’m a Christian! I love sex! There are more of us out there, we just need to be loud!! It warms my heart to hear of Christians advocating loving ourselves and respecting each other enough to be open and mutually responsive in bed. I feel like that sort of openness about such a classically icky topic (for Christians) would probably translate into being more open and mutually giving in other parts of their relationships as well. And that can only lead to good things.

    Like

  8. I’m totally enjoying this article, as a very enthusiastic newlywed, To be frank some of the articles online that mention Christianity and sex in the same breath are often in poor taste and add nothing to the discussion of sexual or religious topics. Its nice to see an acknowledgment that sex and the Christian are not mutually exclusive topics. Thank u for the principles

    Like

  9. Not all evangelical Christians would condone Christian sex toy stores. Still, the presence of evangelical-owned online sex toy stores is symbolically meaningful. They serve to validate sexual intimacy that can’t be found in the Bible. Evangelicals interested in certain sex practices that are stereotypically taboo within conservative Christian communities, such as anal play or sex involving light bondage, can find confirmation that their sexual interests are approved in Christian settings. But on the other hand, Christian sex toy stores also create a particular dilemma for the evangelical community. By talking about and selling products related to sex, Christian sex toy stores may sexualize thoughts or actions in ways that go against evangelical principles. They blur boundaries of permissible and forbidden, challenging a coherent notion of Godly sexuality

    Like

  10. I own a sex store that caters only to the Christian audience. I insist my products are intended for married couples only, and fantasizing about using my products, as long as it is with a spouse, is not a sin. I go to great lengths to ensure that sexuality (including sexual thoughts) is contained within the confines of marriage.

    Like

    • How, exactly, do u accomplish that? Do they require proof of marriage prior to selling their wares? How do u monitor sexual thoughts to ensure the thoughts of potential customers remain within the confines of marriage?

      Like

  11. A husband and wife should never bring pornography into their sexual union. Other than these two items, there is nothing that Scripture explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do with each other as long as it is by mutual consent.

    Like

  12. Let me affirm your instinctive reaction that sexual toys and porn have no place in the believer’s sex life. The practice of using sex toys and porn to enhance eroticism is not ideal and is not without definite dangers. In my counseling practice, I see increasing numbers of individuals of both sexes who have become seriously addicted to pornographic stimulation. This tends to erode marital intimacy, create mistrust and a sense of betrayal, and often leads to a broader exploration of sex—including even extramarital encounters. These possibilities are emotionally and relationally destructive, eroding your self-respect and your mutual trust and pleasure. They are also physically destructive.

    Like

  13. Sex is about self-giving, not self-pleasuring.The Bible commands married couples to have sex but is against lust. Why? Because one shows love and the other is just appetite. Lust fuels d desire for marital toys.

    Like

  14. I’m not willing to say that you can’t. But I would just offer this warning: if you end up in a scenariowhere it se ems as if the toy is being used to replace intimacy, then you have a problem. And because toys often lead to this kind of thing, it’s likely best to think twice before you introduce them, even if you do already have a great and intimate sex life.

    Like

  15. let me just quote ! Corinthians 10:23…”I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is beneficial. Toys are not beneficial…Christian or not

    Like

  16. I guess I’m in the opposite boat here. My wife usually asks for the toy to join us or goes to get it herself if I don’t. I’ve asked several times in the past if we can leave the toy out of it and she will agree for a brief period of time but then she just brings it back a few weeks later.

    Now we are at the point were anytime we are together it’s basically a quickie and there is little to no intimacy at all.

    I’ve gotten to the point where I just gave up on the whole process. After years of being the partner with a higher desire and need to be with her she’s reduced it to a purely physical act that’s still on her timetable and I just gave up. I told her 2 weeks ago I have no more desire for it and she said okay let her know whem I’m over it.

    Any thoughts on how to bring this subject up without causing more issues??

    Like

    • I know how empty sex is even in a marriage when there is no intimacy involved. 😦 Have you talked with her about what real intimacy is, and how you desire to be truly intimate with her while you make love because you love her so incredibly much? And that the toy detracts from that intimacy that you desire. Once you know what makes her feel loved, try to show her love in that way as much as you can. Maybe that would turn things around a bit.

      Also, pray without ceasing for your wife and your marriage. God wants to bless your marriage, and He wants us to give Him our burdens. Jesus said that whatever we ask in His name, believing, He will do, so the Father will be glorified in the Son.

      Like

  17. The Bible is silent on the topic. So, we’re left up to logic and personal preference really. Logically, there is one basic guideline I think we should use: Any toy should be used to enhance the relationship with your spouse. If it detracts from it, or becomes the focus, or your relationship becomes dependent on it, then it’s harming you, not helping. Get rid of it. The principles u listed are grest.

    Like

  18. My husband and I use sex toys and we are Christians but as a rule we don’t use toys separately without each other present. Because, well, we don’t believe solo masturbation is within God’s will. We believe it harms marriages, and so we don’t masturbate alone.We don’t use toys that the other is uncomfortable with, morally opposed to, or otherwise has reasons not to want it. That said, we do our best to keep an open mind in our marriage about new things (so long as they are in keeping with God’s guidance for sex).

    Like

  19. Some good points hvmeen mentioned here but, Ezar, it is often difficult for us to separate our biases from the explicit or implicit will of God when it comes to sex. We are nurtured to believe some things. We are affected by our culture. We are impacted by the perceptions and expressions of our friends. These influences fill the void left by an absence of teaching or direction from our parents or other influential people in our lives. God help us

    Like

  20. I”m not really sure I support these toys and I get alarmed at the rate at which they are cropping up in Lagos. I don’t think we’re suppose to be for them because we would be going to the extreme to satisfy the flesh. If we need sex, we are suppose to get married and have sex with our spouses. Maybe married couples can use them on each other if their faith is strong as long as they keep their business to themselves

    Like

  21. I do not think it is wrong unless you use it to avoid your partner!

    Like

  22. Its a matter of choice. f you are using it together cause it enhances its no problem. But to depend on it would be against Doctrine(mind washing) because in essence you are not using your man. There are medical problems(and God knows this) that warrant use of toys, Bible thumpers sometimes don’t stop to think about the personal relationships people have with God, or if they even someone may have these medical implications. God is your judge. If you know him and you feel your soul; then you should naturally know whats right and wrong. Enjoying something with hubby is absolutely warranted.

    Like

  23. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm? When I get asked at work too, “can Christians use vibrators”, I always worry a bit when I hear women saying, “I can orgasm with a vibrator, but not with my husband.” We train our bodies to respond to the sex toy, and then when we’re with someone who isn’t that big, or who doesn’t vibrate, the sensation isn’t strong enough to bring us over the edge. So, yes, vibrators can make you more orgasmic. But they can also make you LESS orgasmic with your husband.

    Like

  24. This is a cautionary warning: remember, studies I have read privately on this subject have shown that what feels the best is two people in a committed marriage making love. It’s not two people doing weirder and weirder things. I truly believe that if we completely jumped in with gusto with all the things that we can do together that don’t require batteries, the idea that we need batteries to spice up our life would disappear. There is nothing wrong with fun; fun is good. There is something wrong with making sex into something that’s purely physical, or that’s primarily masturbatory. How you find that line is really between you and your husband. But I just urge you to think about those things, and then decide what you’re going to do!

    Like

  25. Nawaooooooo, wetin i jam for here abeg. This Ezar girl sha…
    half of the commenters get toys for house…lol

    Like

  26. ezar, I agree with all u have said. Just come to Lagos and see something. And d names they call them are so scary ehhh. There is even a chain to tie ur leg to the roof.

    Like

  27. Emperor Victor The 1st - Eagle 1.

    Increasingly people are becoming more Hedonistic and the perverted hedonistic morally depraved section of the mass media is gradually leading both singles and the married into an abyss of sex cravings. Also, there is the Feminism side to it, the rise of sex toys gained grounds with the Feminism minded women that believe women can do away with men. Furthermore, it is all part of the depopulation and birth control agenda, the more women and men seek sexual satisfaction from toys, the less babies come into the World. Again, it is a reflection of the fast food, instant meal culture, people can not hold out, delay satisfaction or stand pain/abstinence anymore, they want everything yesterday and not even ‘now’, for now by their own standards is too far and later feels like light years away. Let us face it, without toys, both men and women can sexually satisfy themselves if their wife/husband is away or not available, the more reason God blessed us with fingers; however, once a set of people live for sex alone, then, another spiritual dimension comes into it. Not all is bad I must say, sex dolls might be given to Prisoners locked up in cells and can be used in sex education classes. Women that can not cope with the sex drive of their husbands might introduce sex toys to him, less he impregnates the housemaid. There is a way the human mind works, if you repeat a lie long enough, sooner or later, the people will accept it as the truth, it is nothing but a big LIE to make humans believe that true sexual satisfaction must be a function of sex toys. All in all, the bad outweighs the good and as the Bible foretold, in the end times, they shall be lovers of the flesh and seekers of pleasure.

    Like

  28. I love this! I completely agree 100% with all you’ve said. This is well written

    Like

  29. Crazy world with sexual pervasion/permissiveness!The Great God who made sex made the husband nd wife as sex toys to each other,with no SPARE PARTS.He completely packaged d man/woman with inbuilt gadgets to arouse each other.The problem with most couples is dat they do not know dat sex is not ‘instant’ experience.It begins frm our waking up moments with TOUCH(…kisses,holding hands),love notes nd sms,love conversations,love gifts,dining out,husband’s helping hand in d house,having a fun-filled day etc.Sex is d CLIMAX of sweet intimate relationship.Sex toys are MAKE-OVERs,to cover up dysfunctional natural sex life.Sex with sex toys was not this way from d beginning(Creation).Those dat sell them should be ready to give account of their merchandise to their Maker.When we are tender-hearted to our spouses,the chemical/hormonal response will far outwork man-made vibrators.We dont need sex toys,but sex-educators/therapists who will teach couples d ACT of Love-making.Why watch porn film wen u can b naked to each other nd play love.Some dont even know that u ‘play love’b/4 d real sex..they just jump into bed.What do u expect but a vibrator?Sex-toy users should work on having ‘natural sex life’without helpers.If u are HANDLESS,u might be excused.Dont be addicted to worthless toys from d pit of hell.Dont instruct d Lord about His works….trying to tell Him dat our spouses are not enough for a heathy sexual life.Couples who use toys,dont try to justify ur actions.REPENT nd ask God for His sex manual for a fulfilling sex life!

    Like

  30. Couples who dont have d sex drive to reach d peak should patiently romance for sometime.With time,they will get there.Rome was not built in a day.Sex toys was manufactured to encourage same-sex union.Heterosexuals should never try it….wen did adults start playing with toys.?Play with ur spouse.Be content with what u have-ur loving spouse is all u need!

    Like

  31. ….God gave them over to shameful lusts,men nd women exchanging natural ACTS with toys.Indeed it a shameful lust to lust after vibrators instead of d tender hands of ur spouse.The adult toys are for homosexuals who dont need a man or a woman in their lives.Single men nd women without partners use them to occupy until a partner comes.May God help this generation!

    Like

  32. With d advent of sex toys,we may begin to see people not getting married,being content with d toys.A crazy world indeed,full of iniquity.

    Like

  33. Sex-toys,d iniquity of these last days.It started with baby-dolls in d 80’s by babes in tertiary institutions.Now it has graduated to something else.What will make a Christian to sell sex-toys?Indeed,narrow is d way to heaven…only FEW will enter.

    Like

  34. The Bible talks about enjoying d pleasures of sin.Sex toys are pleasures of sin dat will only give u momentary happiness.Do you have d inner peace…peace with God who originated healthy sex?

    Like

  35. Wife-battering has indeed batterd d libido of victims who resort to vibrators instead of d wicked hands of wife beaters.

    Like

  36. Husbands,if a woman prefers sex-toys,u might not be satisfying her sexually.Talk nd pray over it b4 addiction sets in nd its too late.

    Like

  37. We live in a permissive world dat permits anything under heaven.The problem is dat persons find reasons/excuses to justify their actions.A corrupt politian dat steals will tell u he did not steal but took a slice of d national cake dat is for every body.They will use d Bible to justify their actions,On what basis can we justify sex-toys?It is unnatural nd defeats d purpose of having a life-partner.It is not permissible.Soon u will see widows having sex toys which was not so years ago.This is pervasion nd must not be mentioned amongst believers.Flee sex-toys!

    Like

  38. I cant even think of going near a sex-toy shop.To enter is unimaginable.For those dat own sex-toy shops,to me it is ‘bad market’period.We should stop playing with truth,nd speak out.

    Like

  39. Soon unfaithful husbands will have wives dat are content in d house using vibrators nd other sex toys.This world is full of surprises.If u hv a wife who is not worried about ur unfaithfulness,watch out,she might be playing with toys!

    Like

  40. Wonders will never end.One day they will tell me dat they are selling toy-penis nd toy-vagina.Satan is all out to destroy d marriage institution ordained by God.Until sex-toy users are visited with strange diseases,they will not hv any more reasons to justify their actions.

    Like

  41. Tell me somebody,What is Christian about sex-toys nd sex-toy shops?It is PERVASION,sexual pervasion,nd d users nd owners respectively are perverts.I will rather sell ‘okirika’with dignity than to sell sex-toys.Mbanu!

    Like

  42. When in this world we fix hair,fix nails,fix breast,fix hips,why wont d world FIX SEX.Sex toys are fixed sex…they are not natural,not d real thing.Christians love not d world neither d things of d world.The world nd d lust thereof will pass away but he dat does d will of God will abide 4ever.Sex toys nd d lust for them are of d world.Keep are away from them…dont stain ur white garment.

    Like

  43. Thats why Christians scream against western lifestyles or whatever is trending there.Some are pollutants dat defile d soul….spiritual poison.I am content with my parther.We might not be there yet,but we are moving on to perfection since we married as virgins!We are learning by ourselves nd its working…no sex aids.

    Like

  44. Sis Peace,i feel u.God will help u nd ur husband.In ur weakness,He will show Himself strong.He knows our frame…we are imperfectly perfect!We rely on Him nd not sex helps/toys/aids or whatever.

    Like

  45. Explore urselves.Instinct teaches u.Animals instinctively know how to sex….nd without sex toys.Maybe we should learn from them.Sex toys should be for d sexually depraved.

    Like

  46. Some women are wild in bed nd have become Oliver Twists…dats why some must use vibrators.Can they cope with virgin husbands who might take sometime to catch up?We are in troubleoooo.I fear for this generation.

    Like

  47. Its so unnatural dat some spouses find d toys more satisfying than their partners.Na waooooo.

    Like

  48. Marriage is forever!No matter d devives/products of d enemy,he will not succeed.Soon,sexual perverts will be judged by d Holy God.Thats d only option to learn righteouness.

    Like

  49. Adult toys!Na so sex hungry d ones wey they use sex toys.How about robots as sex partners?To think dat man is using sex machines is detestable.

    Like

  50. In Ibo language,detestable is called ALUU.The use of sex toys is Aluu….may our children not hear this.Are they also selling toy sex-organs?Come nd see, America wonder!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: