If you have been through sexual abuse, I want you to know that you can get to a place where you can work through your feelings. It can be uncomfortable and it can be painful, but if you’re willing to go through it, I know you can get to a place of healing where you can love your life. Start sharing your story and your truth with people that you feel safe with around you. For now, engage in the conversation about this because we need to make sure that we remove the shame and stigma and start sharing our stories
Since, I was a little girl I was abused by my father. He use to tell me things would change and get better. He always convinced me it would, but it never did.
At the age of 5, things started to change instead of the usual stuff, such as, the verbal abuse calling me fat, ugly, useless, and lazy. It turned into physical, such as, every time I was at the dinner table he would rub his hand up my leg, but at that age I thought it was normal.
I lived with my mum and dad. I was always too scared to tell my mum. She loved my dad so much it was so incredible. I just wished she knew what was going on. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I knew I didn’t like it and it wasn’t right.
At the age of 8, my mum started to become very ill, she was always fainting and being rushed to hospital. I knew something wasn’t right, but no one knew the cause. I needed my mum so much. I couldn’t understand why everything was happening to me at such a young age.
Every time my mum was in the hospital he used to get more feel on me, and by that age I knew what he was doing wasn’t right, but I didn’t say anything because I knew no one would understand.
I convinced myself things were going to change, but they never did. He started kissing me in weird ways, touching me, kissing my neck I couldn’t move. I wanted to scream, but I knew it would make things worse and he would get angry, so I carried on like it was normal for my mum’s sake.
I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, and then my mum died, and no one ever knew why. I started my second year of secondary school at the age of 12.
I came home one night and my dad was in my room I wondered why, because I thought he’d stopped all that. He put his hands all over me. That night was the worst night of my life. A week later was my thirteenth birthday. My period was due and I was late. I had never been late before. That’s when I realized I was pregnant.
Now, I live in another country now with my daughter who’s 5. I’m at a University and I’m also engaged to a wonderful man. I don’t know if I could ever share deeply what happened to me.
Posted on August 19, 2015, in Scars for Stars (Beauty for Ashes). Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.
Incest! We as a society are in denial. We warn our children about ‘stranger danger’, but the truth is that the vast majority of abused children are abused by relatives or close friends.
Sad. No matter how much time has passed, unresolved childhood traumas can wreak havoc on a person’s life and the lives of the people around him or her. This is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships, because these in particular require a great deal of trust and intimacy.
Incest is not abuse.
@khan, I hope you are joking. Incest is a serious form of sexual abuse that affects our emotional wellness, our emotional health. This abuse, especially since it is often perpetrated by a close relative whom we have been taught to trust, confuses our understanding of what constitutes appropriate boundaries and hinders our ability to set our own.
No, incest is not okay. Incest is the sexual relations between family members either by birth or marriage. God has forbidden this in the Bible
Where is it written in the Bible?
Lev. 20:11-12, “If there is a man who lies with his father’s wife, he has uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall surely be put to death, their bloodguiltiness is upon them. If there is a man who lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall surely be put to death; they have committed incest, their bloodguiltiness is upon them.”
Lev. 20:19-21, “You shall also not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister or of your father’s sister, for such a one has made naked his blood relative; they shall bear their guilt. If there is a man who lies with his uncle’s wife he has uncovered his uncle’s nakedness; they shall bear their sin. They shall die childless. If there is a man who takes his brother’s wife, it is abhorrent; he has uncovered his brother’s nakedness. They shall be childless.”
But some may point out that Adam and Eve had children; and since there were no other people around, their children would have had to commit incest in order to produce more children. At the time of creation, the genetic line was pure. It wasn’t until later, at the time of Moses, that incest was then forbidden as the genetic pool became less and less able to stand interbreeding. “No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD,” (Lev. 18:6).
To answer the question more concisely – religious culture defines certain intrafamily relationships as “sinful”. Which means they go against “God” or cultural taboo. There is a practical reason for defining this as “sin” – the children of such a relationship are at risk, that is against nature, against “God” or “Sin”. its not a matter of opinion – its wrong and if you have done it above the age of 16 its not even curiosity – its just wrongness – sinfulness – you will never be able to deal with kids ever again unless there is clear change. you should report yourself to police! Yes, it is according to the good books that have been written. Why is it a sin. You were bore by the same parents which make you blood related. As with any sexual relation it should be with people that are not too closely related that they couldn’t be married or be a couple in what we consider permissible in society. Its just plain wrong. Yes! in the eyes of God being with someone who shares your blood line is not permitted. but i suppose it also depends on your faith! i just wouldn’t recommend it. The Bible does condemn in many times, but if you think about it, since God only created two people, Adam and Eve’s children would’ve had to have had incest in order to continue the human race. Sin in relation to…what?
In Catholicism, lust is one of the seven deadly sins. So really, lusting after anybody would be sinful, whether it be your sibling or your next door neighbor.
I wouldn’t recommend wondering whether it was sinful or not but, rather if it were legal or not.
know that sex between parents and their children is not ok behaviour also know that sex between any related individuals is not ok! Its abuse
The thought of having sex with any child, let alone your own daughter should repulse you.
@khan Sex with your daughter (even if of legal age) is still classified as incest in criminal law. By even doing this once you have accomplished a couple of things 1)destroyed the father/daughter relationship 2) opened yourself up to criminal prosecution if she ever gets really upset with you and reports this 3) if anyone ever learns of this you are going to jail as well as opening yourself up to blackmail (and her as well). Start thinking with your big head and not your small one!
Whether or not the signs of abuse are physical and obvious, sexual abuse in childhood can have lifelong consequences. As survivors, we often blame ourselves long after the abuse has ended–for not saying no, for not fighting back, for telling or not telling, for having been “seductive,” for having trusted the abuser. Often there is no one to confirm that someone treated us cruelly and that this abuse was devastating to us. For the next 20 years I will probably continue to walk around and ask other women, “What was your childhood like?” Hearing women say that no one touched them sexually at that young an age helps me realize that something in my childhood was really wrong.
Diana, thank you for sharing. Im glad you survived. Proud of you. Whatever factors contribute to incest and sexual abuse of children, it is vital to remember that no child deserves to be sexually abused, and no child “invites” it.